


I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

by Jakaboi



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt, M/M, early days Prinxiety, non villain!Deceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-02-29 14:24:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jakaboi/pseuds/Jakaboi
Summary: Virgil's room. A dark and gloomy place, filled with spooky edginess that is his haven when things get a little too much. The door has been locked before but there's something about this time that's niggling at the back of Roman's brain, a little voice that won't ease up.





	1. The Locked Door

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anxiety_Induced_Writing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxiety_Induced_Writing/gifts).



* * *

Roman rubs at his nose as he steps back from the door. He’s not just going around randomly walking into doors, he’s not an idiot, but in his defence this door is not usually locked. At least not to  _him_.

“Roman?”

“Patton!” The creative side swings round, immediately posing, doing his best to look inconspicuous  _-and failing miserably-_   “What are you doing here?”

“Bringing Virgil cookies.” Patton holds up a plate of cookies he conjured. They smell hot and fresh and goshdarn, why do the cookies Roman summon never smell that good? “In case he’s having a not-so-great day.”

It’s a sad reality that Anxiety has days when he shuts his door and skips big discussions. Being the embodiment of felonious feelings will do that to you. And though it can throw things for a loop when a key player doesn’t step up to the game, they’ve all come to accept that sometimes Virgil needs some alone time. It sucks but it happens, and like clockwork every time it happens, Patton turns up with something sweet and warm to show they’re all still thinking about him.

Roman gives a half-smile, knocking on the locked door, not turning as he calls towards it. “Oh  _Vir_ gil! Patton has  _coo_ kies!”

Silence.

Patton just shrugs. “No worry kiddo. I’ll leave them in the kitchen for _any_ one who wants to take one.” He gives a not-at-all-subtle wink as he gives Roman permission to sneak one for himself, before leaving.

Once he’s gone, Roman’s faux-bravado just drains, the smile of confidence quickly replaced by a look of concern as he turns back to the door, knocking more frantically.

“Virge, it’s  _me._ ”

Silence. Not even the sound of someone moving in the room beyond. Something about that feels….bad? Roman isn’t sure the word to use. Bad definitely seems the most accurate but also completely underwhelming at the same time.

_Maybe he got sick of spending time with you._

Roman shakes that thought off. That’s  _not_  what’s happening here. Virgil’s just….he just needs some space.

“Alright then!” he calls to the still locked door, stepping back from it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

There’s still silence, even after ten minutes when Roman finally manages to convince himself to walk away.

Virgil isn’t there the next day either, and Roman absolutely isn’t distracted by the empty space that the emo boy usually occupies. Alright so maybe he passes by Virgil’s door a little more than usual. He’s a busy Side. He has a lot of things to do. Places to be. Being such an important part of Thomas’s everyday means a lot of movement. He is absolutely  _not_ finding excuses to swing by even when it means going far out of his way, no matter  _what_  Logan says.

 _He can see it_.

At the end of the day he stands before the door again. Arms crossed, fingers tapping, brain racing as he tries to figure out what exactly he’s going to do about this..The door hasn’t opened all day. Again not a big deal, Virgil needs space. It’s not an uncommon happening, but something, some itty bitty teeny weeny little thing, is bothering him. Stepping forward, Roman takes a hold of the handle.

_Stop._

He freezes.

_Leave him alone. You’re bothering him._

This isn’t bothering….is it? I mean, it’s not something he’s concerned himself with before, but if Virgil wants some alone time then maybe  _-definitely-_  he should back off.

He turns to leave, immediately walking into Deceit.

“Waah-hat are you doing!” He leaps away, again doing his best not to look suspicous - _you’re failing_ \- but Deceit has this look and if he was to make a guess, Roman would say his attempt at subtlety isn’t landing.

“Nothing.” That’s what Deceit says, but the judgemental look, and that weird snakey smirk he’s wearing say differently. Roman takes a breath, whatever this is, it’s not something he wants to deal with right now and he points away, direction doesn’t matter. Just  _away_.

“Begone! You…..slimy….sly…..” Darnit! Of all the times for his creative juices to fail him - _as usual_ \- “Just -just go! Take your snakey behind and just go!”

Deceit raises an eyebrow at him, looking at Roman quite critically. The Prince squirms a little under the gaze and leaps as Deceit reaches forward placing a hand on his shoulder, fingers taking a firm grip to keep the creative Side in place.

“This  _is_ n’t going to hurt.” he promises though Roman suspects it’s a lie and tries to draw back.

“What-?”

Deceit slams the palm of his free hand against the Prince’s chest, and Roman’s eyes go wide as something, something vital, something important right at his core just shatters into a million tiny pieces….

And so does the Mind Palace around them.


	2. Shouting in the Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Logan are lost in the dark, but where's Roman?

“Roman!” Patton’s hands are cupped tightly around his mouth as he shouts as loud as he can. “Virgil!”

“Patton.” Logan rubs at his neck, readjusting his glasses as he looks around at the darkness that surrounds them. It’s only now in its absence that he realises how accustomed he had become to the Mind Palace. “I don’t think they can hear you.

“I know.” Patton’s cardigan is absent, his glasses askew, his hair a mess and there’s dirt on his polo. The worry on his face only worsens. “But what if they think we’re not looking?”

“I should have prepared a plan for the event that something like this might happen.”

“Logan?”

“Yes, Patton.”

“What  _has_  happened?”

“Well it would appear that the construct in which we have all resided for the last year or so, has…..ceased to be.”

“ **What did you guys do?!** ” A firm, gruff, layered voice comes from behind them and they both turn to see Virgil stood there, face sour, make-up heavy. Clearly whatever’s happening has heightened Thomas’s anxiety levels.

“Virgil!!” Patton squeals.

“ _We_  didn’t do anything.”

“I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“Where’s Roman?”

Virgil frowns. “ **He’s not with you two?** ”

“I forgot how spooky this place is. And that  _echo_.” Patton turns, cupping his hands around his mouth as he calls out, “Echo!”

“It’s my understanding that he much prefers  _your_  company.”

“ **You noticed that huh?** ”

“Subtlety is far from one of your strong suits.”

“ECHO!”

“ **Patton!** ” Virgil snaps, and Patton jumps looking suitably guilty as he lowers his hands again. “ **We _have_  to find Roman.**”

Logan nods. “Agreed.”

“There’s something you ought to know.” Patton shrieks, leaping away as Deceit simply appears beside them. Without thinking twice Virgil steps between them, Deceit smirking at the small display of protectiveness.

“What did you do?”

Deceit scoffs. “ _Do_? I didn’t  _do_  anything.”

Raising a hand to silence Virgil, Logan moves to step around him. “Deceit, what do we need to know?”

“Roman’s been corrupted.”

“ **What did you _do?_!**”

“Actually the question is what did  _you_  do.”

Patton frowns, looking between them, “What do you mean?”

“We know the effect Virgil’s room can have on us,” Deceit raises a curious finger to his lips, tilting his head at Anxiety, “and Roman has been spending an  _awful_  lot of time in there lately.”

Virgil scowls, letting out a low gutteral growl.

Logan glances at Virgil with concern. Anxiety is getting worse and he can only theorise on how Thomas must be right now.. He turns to Deceit. “What did you do?”

“I have no idea  _what_  you’re talking about.”

“Granted, Anxiety’s room can have an adverse affect on us, but it would merely push Roman to  _perfect_  the Mind Palace, not shatter it.” Reaching up he adjusts his glasses, fixing Deceit with a firm glare. “Ergo,  _you_  did something, which triggered this.” he indicates the blank space around them.

The other three sides glare at him, and Deceit rolls his eyes, crossing his arms and purposefully avoiding eye contact with them as he speak. “Well…..I  _may_ ……have induced catharsis.”

Patton flinches, a hand raising to his mouth. “Cat’s hearts?

“No, Patton.” Logan turns, “Catharsis. The process of releasing strong, repressed, typically negative emotions in order to provide relief.”

“ **….You’re an idiot.** ”

“It was  _necessary_.” corrects Deceit,, “Leaving the corruption to remain unchecked would have had dire consequences for us all.”.

“Catharsis could go some way to explain what happened.” Logan considers, “A sudden outburst of repressed negative emotions is far from something Roman is equipped to handle on his own.”

Deceit tugs at the cuffs of his sleeves, “He seems to handle  _Virgil_  well enough.”

Virgil’s eyes darken, light and color draining from all around him as his fists clench and he moves to step forward ready to just tear Deceit to shreds.

“Virgil.” Logan has one hand on Anxiety’s arm, holding him back. He’s not fighting, after all Logan is hardly the strongest amongst them. Even so, Virgil stops and turns to see Logan glance out into the darkness around them. There are no words but the message is loud and clear.

Virgil steps back, raising a finger to jab it at Deceit, “ **I will deal with _you_  later.**”

And with that he’s gone.


	3. Shards of Sanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is falling apart.

Roman is floating…

Or maybe he’s falling…

There’s nothing around him. Nothing but darkness.

Everything hurts, empty and hollow.

Like he’s been scooped out and all that’s left behind is a shell.

He doesn’t know what happened but he knows it’s his fault.

Are the others okay?

Where are they?

If they’re hurt he doesn’t know what he’ll do

_Fail_

Probably. That’s probably what he’ll do.

Reaching out he tries to pull them together, the millions of shards that are falling with him, but they just cut when he tries to pull them close and his entire being starts to ache with sharp pinpricks and tiredness and a need to just stop.

He needs to just stop.

Drawing his hands closer, he crosses his arms over his chest and closes his tired eyes. What is  _ **wrong**_  with him?!

_F_ _ailure_

He’s supposed to be  _ **stronger**_ than this!

_S_ _o weak_

He’s supposed to  _ **protect**_  the others!

_Y_ _ou hurt them_

That’s his  _ **duty**_!

_W_ _rong_

But no…

_No…_

He can’t…

 _He_ ’s done this…

This is all  _his_ fault…

A loud shout cuts through the darkness and the world suddenly lurches as something knocks into him with force. His hands fly to his head, the world spinning around him, his stomach squeezing and he wretches. Arms wrap tightly around him pulling him close while everything seems to slow down. There’s someone there. Right there. Right beside him. They have him, a firm hold of him, and Roman doesn’t have the pride  _-the strength-_ to fight them off or hold them back. Instead he leans into it, eyes still closed, head bowing, face pressing against a clothed shoulder. It’s kind of cold and smells of Halloween candy, and smoky vanilla. Silent tears slip loose, soaking into the shoulder because there’s only one sour Side who smells like that.

“ **I’ve got you.** ” Virgil’s voice is deeper than it should be, and the chest pressed against Roman’s rumbles with the words.

Anxiety’s getting worse.

Thomas must be-

Oh no!

Thomas!

_Failure_

No please!

_Worthless_

Please let Thomas be alright!

“ **Roman!** ”

The shout snaps Roman’s mind back, but there’s just no strength to him  _-ever-_  and he doesn’t move, or respond.

“ **I’ve got you.** ” Virgil tightens his grip and everything about them lurches. They’re moving. Are they going up? Was he actually falling? Whereabouts in the mind are they? Where’s Virgil taking him?

“ **Trust me.** ” Virgil says.

So Roman does.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the perfect point to mention that this whole fic, but especially this part, was inspired by [This Wonderful Art](https://karyxdraws.tumblr.com/post/174755210879/prinxiety) by karyxdraws over on tumblr, which probably seems really weird given that the roles in the fic are flipped but it’s beautiful art and it’s what inspired me. Credit where credit is due.


	4. Out in the Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They need a solution.

“That’s enough!” Patton stands between Virgil and Deceit, palms flat against their chests and pushing them apart, a look that is angry by Patton standards on his face.

“ **He started it!** ” Virgil jabs a finger at the liar but Patton just holds his own finger in Virgil’s face.

“I don’t care! I am  _ending_  it!”

“ **Logan.** ” Anxiety turns, pleading for some back up.

Logan is crouched beside Roman who is laid on the non-floor, using his wristwatch to check the creative Side’s pulse. He doesn’t even look up as he responds.

“Frankly, I find you both to be at fault.”

“ **What?!** ”

Seemingly satisfied, Logan pushes himself to his feet and addresses Deceit first. “Inducing catharsis while Roman was alone and already vulnerable was nothing short of wildly irresponsible. He alone maintains all of us  _and_  the Mind Palace. It’s a miracle that we aren’t worse off.”

“Ah, so I should have  _left_  him corrupted.” snarks Deceit.

“Which brings me to Virgil. Look at him.” Roman’s hair is so dark it’s almost black. His skin is pale and pallid, while dark rings are heavy beneath his eyes. He’s almost completely devoid of color. Princey is clearly not well and Virgil can’t keep looking, his eyes slipping away after a few seconds. “This is because of him being in  _your_  room.” Logan gives both Deceit and Virgil a stern look. “Something has to be done.”

Patton has taken Logan’s place, knelt at Roman’s side, lightly pressing his fingers against his icy skin and trying not to worry too much, while simultaneously worrying a whole lot.

“So how do we fix this?” he asks.

Logan shrugs. “The simplest solution would be indefinite separation.”

“ **W** **HAT** **?!** ”

The blank space around them shakes with Virgil’s anger, the others struggling to try and keep their balance. Patton throws himself over Roman, holding on tightly, afraid the movement might send him falling again. When it stops, he sits back and adjusts his glasses.

“You two  _do_  butt heads a lot.”

“ **I’m** **not** **hearing this!** ” Virgil backs away from them, raising his hands in frustration as he begins pacing. Leaving Roman alone? Are they insane?.

“The walking scarecrow has-.” Deceit begins but is cut off by Virgil turning to glare at him.

“ **You don’t get a vote.** ”

“I’m  _agreeing_  with you!” Deceit hisses.

“ **Wait, what?** ”

Logan looks between them. “Explain.”

“Unlike the rest of you, I actually  _saw_  this coming.” he gestures to Roman. “Roman’s been corrupted for weeks now but due to his…boisterous nature it didn’t pose an immediate threat.” Deceit turns and gestures towards Virgil, “Separation from Virgil  _triggered_  the corruption into escalation, and it manifested in negative thinking. Roman started to doubt himself. Surely you noticed him messing up in Virgil’s absence?”

Virgil’s defensiveness has dropped, and he stands there just staring. He’s been having a rough time lately, a lot of new projects, a lot of work, and an unavoidable dose of good old general existential dread. It had built up and Virgil just needed a day or two on his own to sweat it out. He hadn’t meant to…

“My point being, if we remove Virgil from the situation, Roman will likely be at risk of relapse, provided he even recovers at all.”

Silence falls between them, each of them lost in their own thoughts at the idea that this could happen again. Patton takes a firm grip of Roman’s arm, Logan crosses his own arms and pushes his glasses up his nose while Virgil seems to visibly deflate.

Patton is the one who says what they’re all thinking, “Then…how  _do_ we fix this?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Deceit isn’t even surprised at the angered glares the others give him, more than used to it by now. He rolls his eyes, turning to Virgil before clapping his hands at him. “Stop! Acting! Like! Love! Sick! Teenagers! We  _know_  you like each other! You’re  _not_ being subtle, sneaking around in each other’s rooms.” Stepping back, Deceit smirks as he gives a slight bow.. “Leave the deceit to the  _professionals_.”

Virgil looks to the other two, both of whom nod in agreement, Patton wearing a warm smile and giving a thumbs up as extra confirmation that he’s okay with them stopping with the sneaking about.

Virgil sighs, his voice a good deal less distorted as he speaks, though not quite back to normal.

“ **We’ll talk about it.** ”

* * *


	5. Someone to Catch Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No more hiding in the shadows.

“It’s not fair!”

Roman is pacing back and forth with nervous energy. Though his recovery is going well, he’s still a little lacking in lustre. Patience, however, is  _not_ one of his virtues and the urge to be active refuses to leave him alone. Virgil is sat with his feet up on the couch, watching him intently. At the slightest sign that Roman is not okay he’s ready to react.

“I had plans to make a grand declaration.”

“Please tell me you’re joking.” Roman just glares at Virgil who groans as he pulls up his hood, drawing back into it as much as he can without having to actually move. “You’re so embarrassing.”

“Excuse you! It’s called ‘being romantic’!”

“It’s called being an  _ass_.”

“You just don’t get it.” Roman comes to a stop, his hands falling to his hips. “There’s a  _nuance_ ,an _art_  to these things.”

“Well maybe you should work on the art of subtlety. Apparently we’re not….” Virgil trails off as he sees Roman zone out for a second. “Roman?” The Prince raises a hand to his head, reeling a little, eyes closing, as tries to dismiss the concern.

“I’m fine.” he insists. The nervous energy has all but gone, and Princey looks like he’s about to pass out. In the blink of an eye, Virgil is stood on the other side of him, firmly pushing him towards the couch. Apparently having no balance, Roman easily just drops onto it, grumbling in protest but not fighting to stay standing and probably grateful to be made to sit down before he fell.

“You need to take it easy.” It’s probably the fiftieth time Virgil’s said it but no doubt he’ll say it fifty more before it finally sinks into the idiot’s head. “I’ll get Patton.”

Being the core of Thomas’s feelings, Patton has been an integral part of Roman’s recovery, guiding the compromised creative Side through the complex mix of negative emotions that are still kind of swirling around inside him. When things get bad Virgil just grabs that dad-man and steps away, because as much as he hates to admit it, Deceit kind of has a point. Like it or not, Virgil had a hand in this problem, his room being the source of corruption, and thanks to good old anxiety creeping in, Virgil doesn’t want to risk that just being around him could make Roman worse. Stepping back just makes sense.

As Virgil steps to move away though, there’s a harsh tug on his sleeve and he looks back. Roman is still sat on the couch but the fingers of one hand are reached out and tightly gripping at Virgil’s nearest sleeve.

Roman is tired of being tired. He gets these short bursts of being energised but they last like five minutes before he wilts like a magical rose, and Virgil rushes off quicker than Cinderella at the stroke of midnight. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate Patton’s help, he’s incredibly grateful, but at this point he’d much prefer that Virgil just stays. Just once.

“Sit with me?” Roman asks. His voice is quiet, hesitant, but the look in his eyes is firm.

Virgil’s instinct is still to grab Patton, or maybe Logan, just someone else because being helpful is really not something he feels he’s equipped to do. But Roman’s grip on his sleeve is not letting up, and he raises an eyebrow at the Prince.

“You’re not going to let me go, are you?”

“I’m not gonna make you stay.” That’s what he says, but the fingers don’t loosen. If anything, Virgil’s pretty sure that Roman’s grip on his sleeve tightens.

“But you’re  _not going to let me go_ ,are you?” he tugs on the sleeve a little, and Roman’s grip definitely tightens as he struggles to keep Virgil from pulling too far away.

“……No.”

Virgil bites his lip in an attempt to stop the smirk tugging at the edge of them. God sake, Roman. “Sure.”

Roman shuffles over and his grip doesn’t ease up at all, just in case the anxious Side gets any bright ideas about making a run for it. But Virgil just squeezes in beside him, wrapping an arm around the dramatic doofus and pulling him closer. It’s nice but clearly not enough because within seconds Roman lets go of Virgil’s sleeve and takes a hold of his wrist instead, manoeuvring the two of them until Virgil is laid back against the arm of the couch with Roman laid on top of him, leaning back against Virgil’s chest.

“That’s better.” Roman says quietly, gently pulling Virgil’s arms to wrap around him from behind. His hands remain on top of Anxiety’s holding them in place so it feels like Virgil has got a firm hold of him again. He can still remember how it felt when Virgil caught him, and though he won’t admit it, he’s been itching to feel that again in less perilous circumstances.

Virgil meanwhile is shocked. This is way beyond anything they’ve done before, and honestly he’s not sure how he feels about it until he feels Roman settle into the hold, tension dripping away, his eyes closing. Call it instinct, but he feels like this is Roman telling him he trusts Virgil to look after him, in spite of everything. He gently tightens his hold of Roman, carefully interlocking their fingers together.

“You’re an idiot.” he mumbles affectionately, as he buries his nose in Roman’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
